“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” – Albert Einstein
When a challenge arises – whether it’s a health issue, a problem at work, or concern for a loved one – our natural instinct is to hunt for immediate answers. We want to fix it, rightnow!
But often that desperate search for answers leads to a dead end. In her book Change Your Questions Change Your Life, Marilee Adams, Ph.D., suggests that we don’t get stuck because of the problems themselves, but because of the type of questions we ask ourselves.
The Two Paths: Which One Are You On?
Adams describes two distinct mindsets that dictate how we respond to the world. One keeps us trapped in the past; the other opens a door to the future.
1. The Judger Mindset (The Reactive Path)
This mindset is fueled by the amygdala, our brain’s internal alarm system. It is defensive, past focused, and often leads to “analysis paralysis.”
Common Questions:
- “What’s wrong with me (or them)?”
- “Whose fault is this?”
- “Why bother? We’ve already tried everything.”
The Result: You feel depleted, hopeless, and stuck in a recycled version of the past.
2. The Learner Mindset (The Proactive Path)
This mindset is driven by curiosity and a focus on what’s possible. It leads to better discernment and more creative results.
Common Questions:
- “What happened, and what is useful about this?”
- “What are my choices right now?”
- “What is the other person thinking or feeling?”
The Result: You foster optimism and clarity, allowing you to see opportunities that were previously invisible.
The Body Test
Think of a current stressor in your life. First, ask yourself the Judger questions above. Notice your physical response. Do your shoulders tighten? Does your breathing become shallow?
Now, ask the Learner questions. Notice the shift in your energy and the space it creates in your mind. Which path allows you to make your best decisions?
Switch Paths with the ABCD Process
We all travel down the Judger path from time to time. The goal isn't to be perfect; it's to become a better observer of your own thoughts. When you catch yourself in a Judger spiral, use this process to pivot:
- A - Aware: Am I in Judger mode? Is this mindset actually serving my long-term goals?
- B - Breathe: Pause. Take a deep breath to settle your nervous system and move out of “fight or flight.”
- C - Curiosity: What am I missing? What else could be true about this situation?
- D - Decide: What is my best next step? What do I choose to do now?
Let’s Practice
The next time you feel stuck, stop brainstorming solutions and start brainstorming questions.
By changing your questions, you change your perspective. And when you change your perspective, you change your results.